At this stage of life, I look back and really, I achieve nothing but a LL.B only. As for BPTC, I'm at the verge of giving up. Maybe is true that when people say 'don't try too hard'. I hate myself, why am I so fucking stupid. I worked hard, asked for help from peers to this extent that I feel helpless, because I don't know what else can I do to better off myself. And what most ironic, I chose this! when I could have an easier life, sit for an exam oriented test, follow the common route that majority of my friends took. Please don't laugh or judge me if I really give this up. Because I did really try my best every day but I'm not even competent. How depressing and certainly not encouraging. If that ever happens, the only two persons that I will be sorry for would be my parents. They spent so much on me, which one could already start a business up with this sum of money. I don't know how to tell them I don't want this anymore, not that I don't want but my intelligence stops me from going further than I can. Really, how am I suppose to continue with this journey when I have already done all I can but still not on par? The only conclusion that I'd reach: I just not fit to pursue legal profession as my career. I mean, one could achieve a lot more, I don't necessarily have to confine myself within this. 

I cried a lot of times because of this, tried a lot of times, my man stayed up several times accompanying me through this as well. I don't want to affect anyone with my negativity and failure anymore. I feel inherently tired.